It's intimidating to write a post after an [almost] month-long break. It's been a busy month, and there's so much to report on, I was intimidated by the amount of content that I could write about, that I just kept putting it off. Is that a grammatically correct sentence? Thankfully I'm not submitting this for a grade so I'm not too worried about it!
So, pardon me, I need to take another break from writing. Don't worry, I'll be back in a few minutes! I just need to unload the dishwasher and do the dishes that are piling up in the sink. My daily to do list is pretty much just as intimidating as my blog, and similar in suit, it just seems easier to put it off instead of chip away at it bit by bit. Alright... brb [for you folk that aren't familiar with 'brb', it means be right back]
Ok... to be honest... It apparently took me four days to do the dishes! Okay, I got them done in a timely manner, it just took me four days to return back to writing this post ; ) I'm definitely not perfect!
So in a previous post I alluded to some stomach problems that I've been having. Although I have yet to make it to a doctor for any official tests or a diagnosis, I have done some research online. I know, I know, don't trust what you read online. Especially health related and especially if the source is a personal testimony. Let me tell you that I am a HUGE skeptic of research. I took a pretty in depth course on research methods in college and I am the first to question reliability, validity, and credibility of sources. I did the research just to get a base of ideas. Although I am for science, I have had bad experiences with doctors. I'm a little over having to spend some major dough to just hear their theories, test prescriptions, follow up in 30 days, only to start all over again. I don't mean to say that health care needs to be taken into my own hands, I am not a professional and I have not gone to medical school. All I'm saying is that I want to have a wealth of questions prepared and an understanding of my personal history and symptoms before I set myself up for a long cadence of doctor visits.
Alright, after that long tangent, I'll describe what's been going on. Starting this past July or August I've been experiencing excruciating stomach aches. It basically comes in the form of cramping, bloating, sharp pains, and overall abdominal discomfort. Sometimes I can feel it in a very specific spot, sometimes it's my whole stomach, and sometimes I even feel it up towards my rib cage. For a few months I couldn't determine any predictability or triggers. I could find no connection to amount of exercise, amount of sleep, no specific food did it, it didn't occur at any special time of day. Nothing. It would just come out of nowhere and last anywhere between thirty minutes to an entire day [or night]. These pains often felt like they paralyzed me. I would be out shopping at the store and the pain would come on and I didn't know whether to keep moving or find a nice spot to lay on the floor. Obviously I just had to keep moving, but sometimes I don't know how I did it. There would be pain so bad that it would move me to tears, and then there would be the pain that was just aggravating and got in the way of me enjoying whatever it was that I was doing.
After researching and analyzing several health problems that I've had over the last few years, I landed on 'Leaky Gut' as a self-diagnosis [yes, yes, yes, I will go to a dr. soon, I PROMISE!] I'm not going to go into describing it, but feel free to look around on the web for yourself if you're curious!
A good friend was able to sympathize with me and recommended that I give a diet change a try. She has had a lot of experience with handling digestion problems, and so I sought her advice on what I should eat and what I should avoid. I settled on a diet that permitted veggies [but not all], fruits [but not all], meats [free of nitrates, any form of grain or dairy, and preferably organic], coconut products [but have to be discerning about any added ingredients], balsamic vinegar and olive oil. This meant no sugar [including natural sugars like honey or maple syrup], no grains of any form, no legumes, no dairy, no starches, no nuts, no soy, and no COFFEE [how am I surviving?!]. The first few weeks were just confusing, but once I got into a rhythm I found that there were lots of things I liked, tasted delicious, and fit into the diet! Sweet potatoes are my addiction : )
Then, all of a sudden, week three or four hit and I just wasn't having it any more. I was majorly craving carbs and sweets and I even stooped to sneaking foods to eat on my way home from the grocery store or while Jim was out. I felt ashamed that I had so little self control and that I allowed the temptation to take me over. Eventually, I knew the sneaking was a big enough problem [like the terrible stomach aches that resulted weren't enough] and I needed the support of my husband. I 'came clean' about the food I had sneaked and told him I needed his support if I was going to be successful with this. I am so thankful for a husband that is gracious and caring towards me! He didn't show disappointment, he didn't think less of me and my will power, he didn't lecture me. He assured me that he is on my side and that we're in this as a team. I didn't need to feel so embarrassed; what a relief!
I am grateful for a husband who will pray for me and with me. He cares for me and empathizes with me when I feel discouraged and in despair. And then he encourages me with truth from God's Word. He doesn't shame me or expect more from me. He knows that God is moving and shaking in my life through these trials, and while we don't always know why or what the intended outcome is, we trust that it ultimately is for His glory.
God tells us to expect trials, he assures us that they will come. In John 33:16 it says:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
God says in this world we WILL have trouble. Not we may, we will. In 1 Peter 1:6 it says that trials allow us to prove the genuineness of our faith. Not to say that we won't have moments of doubt, moments of anger, questioning, or frustration. If we ultimately trust God, we can surrender our human emotions and reactions to be covered by His grace. If our heart desires God and desires to be a living sacrifice for His glory, He will know. He knows our hearts; after all, he created it. God doesn't order us to be perfect - He knows we can't be. But He does call us to love Him with every inch of our being in Matthew 22:37. When we love Him with all that we have we are able to see the bigger picture. We are able to see God's incomparable love for us. His love that is so big that it covers anything and everything. His love is greater than the perils that I face.
I'm probably just talking myself in circles.
Ultimately, I can embrace trials that come my way because they are from God to me as an invitation to become closer to Him. An opportunity to experience His love and power more deeply. It's a personal invitation, made especially for me. Designed with me in mind. Purposed with His love and affection for me. Trials demonstrate the extent of God's love for us. He wants us to be more holy, He wants us to rely on Him, He wants us to experience life to the fullest which we can only attain through following Him. We can face trials with joy knowing that how we handle our relationship with God in these moments can bring Him glory, or not. So... Does our faith crumble amidst adversity, or does our faith carry us?
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